| 2013-03-21 23:40:30 |
Afraid to sleep alone
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excellent story... i've read it before on other forums. would like to read new chapters..if you can write more. |
| 2013-03-23 00:45:09 |
MY CUM BUCKET JEANNE Pt.1
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I liked your story because it's plot showed a lot of promise. But I didn't like your story because you rushed right into sex, and rushed thru it. Think about how you'd tell this story if you were in a room full of inquisitive and like minded people - you'd start slow, and build up to a conclusion by filling up your story with descriptions so your listeners would be able to imagine being you in this story. THAT is how you draw people into your story.. details are what make it a better story-at least, in my opinion. Keep writing, writing a great story comes from practicing your craft thru writing many stories. The technical stuff like grammar, punctuation and credible detail writing can be had by asking your english teachers for some help. |
| 2013-03-23 23:36:40 |
The damp spot again
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good story... i would have liked a series of nights with her ghostly lover instead of one night, then its over! Actually, there is a woman in Texas who reported this situation happen to her. Perhaps you can google it and read her version... kind of spooky but if its real to her.. her story could be the basis of longer version of your story :) |
| 2013-03-23 23:45:44 |
My 14 yr old sis likes it rough :)
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there's a video of your sister? - Post it, Please! :) This was a good story... I'm going to have too look your profile up to find these other stories! I like sequels to good stories :) |
| 2013-03-24 00:11:49 |
Daddys slut
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this was a really good role playing story. |