A BIG thank you to everyone!
I love you!
For as long as I can recall, people have been critical of me. Unsupportive. Like a lot of us, my c***dhood was a shit show. I don't like thinking about my youth before age 15. Mostly nightmarish memories. People put their hands on me. In all the bad ways. And they never held back their cruel words. It was daily, for years. I survived.
Some folks would crumble and never recover. Others become so tough no one can get through to them. I somehow managed to walk the middle. I managed to come out of it sane enough to function in society. I've always been sensitive, and that's never changed. But once I hit the adult world, all the ugliness came roaring back. I've rarely met people who were genuinely decent, and truly meant no harm to anyone.
Even the mainstream gay community rejected me, since I don't fit the mold. Today it's easier, but now I'm older and if I reveal my beliefs and ideas, or even just my age, the current generation tends to reject me. At least I can keep my opinions to myself, and I don't look as old as other guys my age. I'm grateful that a difficult life and several years of homelessness have not left me haggard and ruined.
Not that it was easy. I have been on a healthy diet and exercise plan for years now, as my previous post spoke on. So this "not bad" looking body is not the result of gifts of genetics but rather hard work and dedication to health and fitness.
But everyone always told me I was too skinny, I needed to eat more, needed more protein, needed something to improve. And when you've got so many troubles in your mind, it's hard to not frown, scowl, and look upset, even when you're merely concentrating. Like my bathroom stall video, my face was just a mess with effort to keep from shooting my load across the stall. The manager of the county park I was staying in was being very decent to me and I didn't want him to have to clean up after me!
I've long since tired of being criticized. So I shut myself off from the world. Sure, I've flirted with guys but they never really responded, or quickly mentioned a girlfriend. No guy, to my knowledge has ever actually hit on me. No one gave me a number, no one asked me out for a drink or dinner. Ever. I cannot say why.
So hearing all the positive comments ("Sexy man" "great vid" "sexy as fuck" "you're so beautiful") I'm so amazed and stunned that I simply do not know what to say! I'm certainly looking aloof and clumsy here, trying to find ways to thank people without egging them on. I'm not trying to be a tease, just trying to be thankful.
I'm incredibly grateful, thankful, appreciative, and overjoyed. Hearing nice things about myself is a relief. I don't base my happiness upon other people's opinions of me, as I learned long ago. It's the best way to cope with criticism. But it is incredibly validating and, yes, relieving, to finally not hear bad things or hate or cruelty. I grew up with that and it followed me into adult life, and I have had quite enough.
Now you guys are basically restoring my faith in humanity. And it's awesome.
THANK YOU EVERYONE! YOU ARE JUST THE BEST!
For as long as I can recall, people have been critical of me. Unsupportive. Like a lot of us, my c***dhood was a shit show. I don't like thinking about my youth before age 15. Mostly nightmarish memories. People put their hands on me. In all the bad ways. And they never held back their cruel words. It was daily, for years. I survived.
Some folks would crumble and never recover. Others become so tough no one can get through to them. I somehow managed to walk the middle. I managed to come out of it sane enough to function in society. I've always been sensitive, and that's never changed. But once I hit the adult world, all the ugliness came roaring back. I've rarely met people who were genuinely decent, and truly meant no harm to anyone.
Even the mainstream gay community rejected me, since I don't fit the mold. Today it's easier, but now I'm older and if I reveal my beliefs and ideas, or even just my age, the current generation tends to reject me. At least I can keep my opinions to myself, and I don't look as old as other guys my age. I'm grateful that a difficult life and several years of homelessness have not left me haggard and ruined.
Not that it was easy. I have been on a healthy diet and exercise plan for years now, as my previous post spoke on. So this "not bad" looking body is not the result of gifts of genetics but rather hard work and dedication to health and fitness.
But everyone always told me I was too skinny, I needed to eat more, needed more protein, needed something to improve. And when you've got so many troubles in your mind, it's hard to not frown, scowl, and look upset, even when you're merely concentrating. Like my bathroom stall video, my face was just a mess with effort to keep from shooting my load across the stall. The manager of the county park I was staying in was being very decent to me and I didn't want him to have to clean up after me!
I've long since tired of being criticized. So I shut myself off from the world. Sure, I've flirted with guys but they never really responded, or quickly mentioned a girlfriend. No guy, to my knowledge has ever actually hit on me. No one gave me a number, no one asked me out for a drink or dinner. Ever. I cannot say why.
So hearing all the positive comments ("Sexy man" "great vid" "sexy as fuck" "you're so beautiful") I'm so amazed and stunned that I simply do not know what to say! I'm certainly looking aloof and clumsy here, trying to find ways to thank people without egging them on. I'm not trying to be a tease, just trying to be thankful.
I'm incredibly grateful, thankful, appreciative, and overjoyed. Hearing nice things about myself is a relief. I don't base my happiness upon other people's opinions of me, as I learned long ago. It's the best way to cope with criticism. But it is incredibly validating and, yes, relieving, to finally not hear bad things or hate or cruelty. I grew up with that and it followed me into adult life, and I have had quite enough.
Now you guys are basically restoring my faith in humanity. And it's awesome.
THANK YOU EVERYONE! YOU ARE JUST THE BEST!
6 months ago
