Part 29 (normality)
Without the d**gs and despite the cleaning boredom became my biggest enemy and for a while I took to walking the streets of Dublin, after a couple of months of this I found that I had developed the unique ability to know where everything was and how to get there without actually knowing where anything was or what anything was called if that makes any sense. Despite the excitement of my daily hikes I knew that I needed to find a job. Now you would think having grown up on a farm with hard working parents that working would be second nature to me but alas no that particular trait must have passed me by as I am probably the most work shy individual on this planet.
However I did eventually draw on all my internal strength to enquire about the job vacancy that had been up on the window for a month in a newsagents shop near our apartment.
You can imagine my horror when the old fella running the shop relayed to me that he was looking for someone to help him open up at 7am and then help with the lunchtime rush, I think i was shaking my head at him when all of a sudden I heard me saying "that's fine, I will take it".
I think Conn was unsure as whether to laugh at me of give me some moral support when I informed of my leap into the workforce but I could see he was thinking what is this mad one up to now.
The unconventional hours turned out to be great for someone like me, yeah the early start wasn't the best and yes I often arrived at the shop at the unearthly hour looking like I had come through a hedge backwards but generally by 9.30ish I would be back in the apartment coffee and fag in hand, I would then head back (looking better turned out) around 11.30ish and work till just after 1 and if bored I sometimes used to pop down and help old Pat close up.
I think that this period of my life was as close to normal life that I have had, my relationship with Conn was going well and I was settling in with his friends and becoming more and more friendly with the various girlfriends of his friends.
Together we started to have the normal type life that most young people experience in there lives like going to gigs and normal parties where people just got drunk and made fools of themselves singing and falling down the stairs.
I knew deep down that everything wasn't quite right but I was too happy to rock the boat, eventually though you have to face things and deal with real life. I had always known Conn was probably gay or at least very bi but we never needed to confront it till we were forced to. It happened rather stupidily one morning when I slipped in dog shit while putting a sign out on the street at work. I had to go home to change as I had landed in the shit and got it all over my trousers.
I tried to be quiet as I entered the apartment as I thought Conn would still be asleep but as i closed the door I could hear the obvious signs of a porn movie playing and it was coming from the spare bedroom, I opened the door and found Conn naked on all fours on the floor bent over his laptop watching two guys shagging while ramming one of the dildos I had found before into himself. I stood watching unsure of what to do next, Conn was obviously enjoying himself so I quietly backed out of the room but the door closed with a click and all of a sudden there was silence.
I hurried to our bedroom quickly pursued by himself, he was in a panic, I was stunned. I said nothing but got changed, he begged for me to talk him, I kissed him on the side of the cheek and went back to work.
When he came home from work he was very sheepish and claimed he never did things like that and it was rush of blood to the head moment, I listened, but told him I knew he was lying as I had seen his computer history, he continued to deny it but I refused to accept it we argued, debated and discussed till eventually hours later he confessed that he was bi but that he had never actually been with a man.
I went to sleep that night worried as to what would happen to us, worried what would happen to me without him but I think I was more worried about him and what he was going through, I think that was when I actually realised that I loved him.
However I did eventually draw on all my internal strength to enquire about the job vacancy that had been up on the window for a month in a newsagents shop near our apartment.
You can imagine my horror when the old fella running the shop relayed to me that he was looking for someone to help him open up at 7am and then help with the lunchtime rush, I think i was shaking my head at him when all of a sudden I heard me saying "that's fine, I will take it".
I think Conn was unsure as whether to laugh at me of give me some moral support when I informed of my leap into the workforce but I could see he was thinking what is this mad one up to now.
The unconventional hours turned out to be great for someone like me, yeah the early start wasn't the best and yes I often arrived at the shop at the unearthly hour looking like I had come through a hedge backwards but generally by 9.30ish I would be back in the apartment coffee and fag in hand, I would then head back (looking better turned out) around 11.30ish and work till just after 1 and if bored I sometimes used to pop down and help old Pat close up.
I think that this period of my life was as close to normal life that I have had, my relationship with Conn was going well and I was settling in with his friends and becoming more and more friendly with the various girlfriends of his friends.
Together we started to have the normal type life that most young people experience in there lives like going to gigs and normal parties where people just got drunk and made fools of themselves singing and falling down the stairs.
I knew deep down that everything wasn't quite right but I was too happy to rock the boat, eventually though you have to face things and deal with real life. I had always known Conn was probably gay or at least very bi but we never needed to confront it till we were forced to. It happened rather stupidily one morning when I slipped in dog shit while putting a sign out on the street at work. I had to go home to change as I had landed in the shit and got it all over my trousers.
I tried to be quiet as I entered the apartment as I thought Conn would still be asleep but as i closed the door I could hear the obvious signs of a porn movie playing and it was coming from the spare bedroom, I opened the door and found Conn naked on all fours on the floor bent over his laptop watching two guys shagging while ramming one of the dildos I had found before into himself. I stood watching unsure of what to do next, Conn was obviously enjoying himself so I quietly backed out of the room but the door closed with a click and all of a sudden there was silence.
I hurried to our bedroom quickly pursued by himself, he was in a panic, I was stunned. I said nothing but got changed, he begged for me to talk him, I kissed him on the side of the cheek and went back to work.
When he came home from work he was very sheepish and claimed he never did things like that and it was rush of blood to the head moment, I listened, but told him I knew he was lying as I had seen his computer history, he continued to deny it but I refused to accept it we argued, debated and discussed till eventually hours later he confessed that he was bi but that he had never actually been with a man.
I went to sleep that night worried as to what would happen to us, worried what would happen to me without him but I think I was more worried about him and what he was going through, I think that was when I actually realised that I loved him.
5 years ago
