About

Proud Devil Bitch

This page was created with the intention

of helping me understand my fractured

and slightly disturbed mind, a condition

caused by encountering and embracing my alter-ego,

Lilith, last year.

Lilith is that side of me that was always repressed

during my career and out in society in general. She

is the woman I always was but never could be because

I had a particular role to fill and a certain job to perform,

both to which Lilith represented a major hinderance.

Over the past decade, as Lilith remained locked in my

mind, she grew more restless, naughty, frustrated, and

undeniable. She vied for power with my dominant

self, as I waged a losing battle to keep her

under control and out of my life. As I considered Lilith

to be contrary to my values, I fought that battle with

everything that I had.

But no matter the scenario into which she presented

herself, Lilith always triumphed over me in my mind.

Over and over again, Lilith arose and overtook me.

Sometimes I pictured her destroying my career and my

relationships, while others I watched as she lured me

into corruption and immorality. Always, I felt as though

I had plummeted from some great height afterward, normally

feeling spent, bloodied, and overpowered at the bottom as

I welcomed a restful death away from Lilith's spirit.

Yet a little over a year ago I decided to stop denying

Lilith her right to live and allowed her a place in my heart

and life. Like being swept up by a whirlwind Lilith took

control of my mind; she rose to the fore even as I sunk

into the background. As if I was possessed, I watched

as Lilith lived out her every desire through me, using my

body, my mind, my assets, everything, to satiate the

hunger I produced by repressing her for so long.

And she was a very, very hungry girl!

I will get into more detail later, though suffice it to say

for now, the blog I wrote concerning my gang bang last

August was only one way in which Lilith has used our

time together. She and I have done quite a few other

unlady-like things since last year, so much so that I am

now in therapy. I might write about some of those

adventures also, if I feel I can do so with anonymity.

At the moment I am quite happy with my decision to

allow Lilith into my life. In fact, all of the experiences she

and I have shared have allowed me to grow as a person

and gain wisdom. More importantly, I feel that Lilith has

offered me salvation by freeing my mind from religious

and societal dogma through the fulfillment of her desires

which many of us call "sin." In this sense, I consider Lilith

my Christ, for she has set my mind and conscious free.

My page is a brief metaphor for the journey Lilith took me

on over the past year. It begins with her arrival and

becoming inside me in which I relinquished to her command

of my life. It continues on through various aspects of myself

which I came to accept and like, or at least that I did not

continue to repress. Ultimately it shows my trip into Lilith's

playground, ending with what I hope will be the stable and

happy return of control of my life to me, Catherine, as Lilith

and I learn to coexist.

Below each picture is a link to a song that I think fits that

particular moment or aspect of my life.

Lastly, cum grano salis all of this is very real, but I take none

of it to be too serious. To do so would just be fucking crazy.



Activated

Lilith Awaits:

Die Sonne Satan - "The Venerable"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6MANra76ZR4



Attention on Deck!

Lilith approaches:

Nine Inch Nails - "Reptile"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sfhkXxmnYHc



Change of Command

Lilith becomes:

Marilyn Manson - "Apple of Sodom"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M8SN_Dg5X7Y



In Moonlit Whispers

I like to fuck myself to this:

TOOL - "Reflection"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ja3LGFY1i0o



When Dominating

I like to fuck to this:

God Module - "The Ones We Love"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U-SP9jbtsRI



Whilst On My Knees

I like to get fucked to this:

Velvet Acid Christ - "Slut"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iCDrWtWpXPc



Breaking Boundaries

I like fucking to this:

Puscifer - "The Undertaker (Renholder Remix)"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WM6YevemuaQ



Loving

I like to make love to this:

A Perfect Circle - "The Hollow"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=avgiqNapUx0



Goin' up

I like to roll to this:

Ultrablack - "Bear Trap (Excision Remix)"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G8HlwYIo020



When Whorish

I like getting goddamned naughty to this:

Melleefresh vs Deadmau5 - "Hey Baby"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fQ_UeBxEQPQ



Goin' Up

I like to rave to this:

Perish Studio 69 - Goddesses and Warriors Rave @ Vanguard Hollywood (2011)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EFZpw01JIxo



Goin' More Up

I like to pretend I can dance to this:

Chemical Brothers - "Don't Think" (Black Swan Rave Scene)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fwAXhLrniZ8



The Sky's the Limit

I like to lose control to this:

Mac Styler & Felmax - "The First"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pzpnyen7YOQ



Sailing High Over Manic Seas at Twilight, and the Stars. Are.

............ S s S c C CR EEee E A a eamM iN INNGGG! ! ..!!!

I like to trip out to this:

Dis - "xPLOSION Mix"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Kf4ui7uzQw



Can You Stand On Your Head???

I like to freak out to this:

Clever Monkey - "Final Inch (Twist Remix)"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qA45hOuntwY



Attention on Deck!

Lilith departs:

Ayria - "Counterblow"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xm-cYJ4XIZE

[Thank you Jedermann for the outstanding picture.]



Clusterfucked

Ravaged in Lilith's wake:

Hungry Lucy - "A Girl Alone"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rd4gGEJM_1Q



Forgive Me

Searching for Salvation:

Puscifer - "Verde River"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y4Y9TO3X5WM



Healing

Accepting Lilith:

Flyleaf - "All Around Me"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xN0FFK8JSYE



Resurrected

Catherine resumes command:

Katy Perry - "Part of Me"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uuwfgXD8qV8

One more thing, the model in my profile pic is the talented and stunning Aneta Kowalczyk. She seems to have done a lot of nun fetish work.