About

(28 April I leave for a month. 28 may I come back 1 last time and then I'm totally outta here)

CBtrippin6(not real name) was right.. you be here too long, some deadwish is hangin around.. 1 THiNG, ONE thing is for certain... gURL, how I actually died every time, being here.. and it can't go without insulting somebody for no friggin reason.. Dwelling between death or a grounded soil of healthy inspirations. I think I'll BAN myself from this place (for the sake of the human race, and useless misinterpretations)

PS: please ladies, dignify yourselves..! Jealousy is a bitch around here, and is hangin around the same way.. And I'm afraid you can never be bigger than that one.. and why would you? Just you're special, cause it might die that you you are,

just like I did every time,

being here...

(please get out..! and celebrate your freedom! ;'*)

Alright, getting out of the mud now.. ;)

-x-





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I had a story which I post here for the moment because I wouldn't know if it would get through the moderation. (If necessary, I will delete it if the story is posted on the blog page)

It might include characters with recognisable personalities.. I won't leave no actual names, just in case somebody might feel offended towards their privacy)

The story is called

"The Twilight Sisters" - "The confrontation" (and you decide what's real ;) )

A.

I had this dream that I suddenly was in a quite crowded company somewhere at somebodies house, and everybody looked good and quite decent. I suddenly saw a charming young lady greeting everybody standing in a half circle near the corner of the room, she had long dark light nappy curly hair, dark eyes and a quite tanned skin. I remembered while she was greeting she had a calm and dignifying presence and a smile given with special care. Then when I looked around a little more it seemed like I saw some guys and younger boys around that looked like they were my cousins and nephews. Then suddenly when I was probably walking around a little, I got face to face with another girl that looked almost the same as the girl before, only dressed a little different. And she had a big smile and started talking to me like; Hey! How are you! :D And I was like; Yeah I'm great! ;D So when we started talking for a little while, I just started noticing stuff, like she was dressed quite decent, but still I was starting to get distracted because I had the idea she had quite a bare chest and all that, which turned me on a little, but I saw in her face she had caught my eyes got distracted and she clearly picked up I became a little sexual aggressive from that moment during our conversation. Her reaction quite astonished me, because instead of any offended feelings from her side, it was like she accidentally maybe let herself get overwhelmed and even became more friendly towards me, like; she was so friendly that even at that point I could turn our conversation to a quite horny level if I wanted it. But instead of that, I just felt so ashamed and somehow even quite broken. She was so friendly and at that point reacted like she was so innocent. After that deep little silence.. I had this feeling like they were definitely my family and I would protect them with all my life! To all eternity!!! After that dream, sisterhood relations became important for me to cherish. Because the lesson out of this to me was that; lust turned into love which proved me a stronger and more valuable force after all! (and those 2 sister looking girls reminded me of somebody)

It is a struggle, that can be freaking hard.. But it's not impossible, and y'all can do it to! (if you want)

Y'all take care eachother! ;)

-X-

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PS:

When I was young I grew up listening to a lot of music, I didn't know the exact essence back then, just think he/she might sound cool or he/she might sound funny or weird. Before you know it, you might start loving the characteristics sound of somebody's voice and song sound etc. At later age I found out those lyrics have a different or even opposite essence in the meaning as I thought I grew up with, which could be quite disappointing sometimes because it's like you didn't remember the songs suppose to sound that way... I found out it could be quite like a person sometimes, that the person behind the words is actually most important, and is the one you remember you loved. And I'm not only talking about music :) and of course you're not suppose to keep your guard down, All the way! But sometimes to remember certain good things you remind as a kid, can release so much of the complex, detailed, responsible, adult stress within these moments of silence and just really listen and to really want to do something for somebody with the care that came up by yourself! It's like you want to become innocent as a child again, against worthless stuff and becoming more like an adult to stuff that matters more. (you can eventually listen to this song if you like: https://youtube.com/watch?v=A5VhQt0WDuU)

Will it make you stronger? Well, maybe you'll find out yourself ;) because I can't really judge about that..

But if you really understand what I mean, you actually get the turning point what made me stronger :)

(The chemistry and it's genetics!)

Here 2 examples that might sound totally ridiculous to you (at first)

1st.

https://youtube.com/watch?v=ib01_vWRpx0

This song is/'was' considered sexually loaded! The way it sounds and the lyrics. As a child growing up and remembering this song very well, I didn't had that feeling at all than just think she sounds funny and weird sometimes. But overall I thought and experienced she sounded so cool, I loved her :'D, she's my girl! Sister etc. ;) Same thing happened to me how I experienced some persons I've met here. Hot and sexy at first, but then when I started to notice the person behind of it, well... I just runned in tears actually.. I know I gotta keep my guard up, but I'm not really into schooling myself to become a senseless or cold useless bastard. Whatever people might say or of course, have their opinion about it.

And 2nd.

youtube.com/watch?v=u81Ce9MK_XM

Celebrate your freedom with me!! ;)

If you get what I mean, like I told before this, you know we have that equal feeling, towards ourselves and towards others!

No matter what race/sex you are :*

Love must be good! Getting unchained by all the ('invisible') crap going around means true freedom!

2 more songs I put up here I think somehow are "lyrically" and "feeling" quite correct! The message could be quite "effective" ;)

1. for people dwelling around here.. who knows to feel that ignorance

https://youtube.com/watch?v=OJ9VBMBS3qE

2. for girls maybe that 'I' think it's useful, hope they can stand up for things that have actually more worth.

https://youtube.com/watch?v=JWsRz3TJDEY

Even how many might still hate me, not care etc. I love y'all anyway!

( and guys; be a man 'bro's'! youtube.com/watch?v=aJ9kR7MuBE4 and tell your lady :) and she tell you youtube.com/watch?v=CErakIzZk18 ~if I'm rite..~ )

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B.

Finally, the following, for who it still may concern.

https://youtube.com/watch?v=Y-gbnZTEemk

This was the song that might could've matched with the wonderfull people I described I saw in my dream. It sounds like they are outside somewhere on a safe place. Where would they be? What place you think they could've been? How would it look like? Would this be just a fairytale, or how much do you think this could be real? Some people say death is connected to life, but the thing is, nobody wants to die, even though everybody knows how real it is and inescapable. The only link to death that are more related to eachother for me is disease, and sickness. Everybody suffers from time to time, and after a illness or being sick you are able to recover, but when you have a heavy disease you might be only a step more closer to death the same counts for getting really old, a heavy accident etc. It's still remnant that there is no cure for death itself.
So how realistic would a solution for that be? How much is death still connected to life if their behaviour are like each other's enemies and are more compared as a difference between darkness and light. But how realistic is to feel happy and its Desire to? Who that is having a joyful company of all happy people wants to die tomorrow if he or she has the assurance the same sort of joyful experience in a yet unknown variety of activities that would only result in exalted joy happiness is welcoming and waiting for you the next day (after day)? Would that only be the case maybe if we only know that trouble suffering we see right now is what all is suppose to mean in life? Why would we want to wake up the next day? Don't we all might have probably all somebody or something personal we have in mind to work for or to come close to? We all seem to have our eyes in front of our face to look something forward with. With all regards and luck I hope you'll find and come closer to find what we all need and grab it and not let go if you totally know nothing else is more necessary in life then this and is able to last forever and is uncorruptible in its essence of genetics, origin and its very actual source that above all motivates us to understand a form of self sacrificing love,

Intrinsically!

Like "The Twilight Sisters" seemed to take care of it so good, Like that certain experience I had over here.. could probably be some deja vu? Well I just wondered, in case you now understood. Than please tell me, just in case you could (etc.), of how much of this you can tell, or say, how fake it was?
(because somehow they helped me, to feel kind of saved ;) :) )
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(It took me 2 hours to delete every favourite movies (which were 700, and came all back again when I tried deleting it all at once, starting again all over) and it seemed like I had 3 to 5 times more favourite pictures! While I was deleting them I just constantly had this part from this song in my head which URL you can find in my status, which I had on constantly replay around my mind from 4:21 minutes to 4:50 minutes, which is +/- 29 SEC's constantly within 2 hours! Just for the person's who are hidden behind their words, facade, ignorance or maybe rude and arrogant personality! You can now even easily make it start playing at where the question is being asked " Do you want HIM? Or do you want ME? Cause I want YOU!" You don't wanna know what was going through me while I was deleting it. Because I felt the whole struggle through my kidneys, my back, my mind, almost shedding a tear, shaking my head etc. But I forced myself through it! :) It's like I did it for all of y'all. And It's like the song can be played from 4:50 min's till end now.. and Amazinggirl777(not real name) thanks again ;))

I'm out.

( cause, IiiHiiigh gotta be a Man! xD )

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